Tipsy Kelsey here. Fighting with her S.O. Picking fights or real fights? Not 100% sure. However, started Beyoncé Lemonade to cope. BTW y’all Beyoncé autocorrected to the appropriate word thingy you know with the mark above e. We’ve mentioned this blog is not allowed backspaces right? That was a Maddie rule. I’ll follow. Anyway Lemonade.
Daddy’s Song. Listening to it and jamming out in the pool that I just broke into at 9:30 at night. Then I ran back and decided I needed to write these thoughts down.
“Daddy’s little girl. Daddy made a soldier out of me.”
These are real words.
“With his gun and his head held high he told me not to cry. My daddy said shoot, oh my daddy said shoot.”
My daddy said similar words to me that repeat throughout the song. I have to be strong. Love is a game and when you play, you play to win. You have to outsmart the other person. You have to have the upper hand. If you do not have the upper hand you will lose and your heart will break.
“He held me in his arms and he taught me to be strong. He told me when he’s gone here’s what to do, when trouble comes in town, men like me come around. My daddy said shoot. Oh my daddy said shoot.”
Men always know its a game, it’s a secret for women to know the game. That’s why he taught me at 14. He wanted me to have the upper hand. I love my daddy and young naive Kelsey followed his advice like it was the bible. A secret playbook that he had unlocked for me. I played the game. Every relationship I had, I played. I always would have the upper hand, if not, I would leave.
“We rode motor cycles, black jack, and classic vinyl ,tough girl I had to be. He said, take care of your mother and watch out for your sister.”
Dad never shared this secret playbook with my sister. By passing it along to me it was an untold rule that I should continue to pass it down and watch out for her. When he left my mom I wondered if he wanted me to watch out for her too. Young naive Kelsey knew about all the affairs, did she connect the dots that his advice was probably bad? No. Such a dummy.
“He always played it cool, but daddy was no fool.”
When I first started dating my S.O I was still playing the game. He didn’t play back. It scared me. My S.O. made me realize that love wasn’t a game. Love was a partnership. From then on I never wanted to play the game again. My S.O built our relationship on a foundation of trust and honesty. He connected the dots for me.
Tonight instead of talking through something, my S.O. walked out. Took a walk with the dogs and didn’t want to finish the conversation. I’m confused. I decide to swim it off.
Was I wrong about my S.O. or am I brainwashed by my dad.
I don’t know.
Time for a shower,