Give your brain a kiss. This is what my future mother in law says to me when I tell her I found a new psychiatrist. Someone who listens to me when I tell them the mood stabilizers they put me on are making me fucking insane. Someone who wants to wean me off and start at square one with me.
That’s where my body wants to be though. I have not been myself. I cannot even begin to describe the highs and lows. Actually I just don’t want to. I don’t know who I am right now.
I switched psychiatrists. I am weaning off of some really fucked up brain drugs. I’m trying to start from the ground up. I want to be me again. My future MIL is proud of me.
She tells me the same thing she tells her kindergartners. Give your brain a kiss. You’re doing it good. You’re doing it justice.
I like that. I want to give my brain a kiss. Tell it that everything will be ok. Not today, not tomorrow, but maybe the next day .
Life has been hard. On top of this, I talked to my mom yesterday. A conversation longer than ten minutes. A conversation where she asked about me and asked if it was ok to talk about some relationship stuff. Of course mom. I can’t say no when you ask politely.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. My dad, who I also talked to earlier this week. Told me to fuck all the meds and just get off them. That everyone was lying to me. K. thx. Bai.
I need my meds. I need them more now then ever. I just need them to be right. I need to be chemically balanced. I cannot do that on my own. I don’t want to be less than. I want to be equal to. Medicines make me equal to the normal people. They give me a fair chance and level out the playing field.
My parents. Man, I tell you.
I’m giving my brain a kiss. You are your own health advocate. No one else cares about you like you do. I am doing what is right for me and I am ready to fight to the death. I want my fair chance. I want to feel. I want to be normal.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Fuck,
Kelsey.
It's fucked up, but kinda funny 