Hi, I’m Kelsey *Imaginary group repeats back “Hi Kelsey”* and I was labeled bipolar. Interesting that I just used the word label instead of diagnosed. OK so before I get into bipolar I might have just derailed my entire thought process by using the word “labeled” why did I use that?
Tipsy Kelsey here. Fighting with her S.O. Picking fights or real fights? Not 100% sure. However, started Beyoncé Lemonade to cope. BTW y’all Beyoncé autocorrected to the appropriate word thingy you know with the mark above e. We’ve mentioned this blog is not allowed backspaces right? That was a Maddie rule. I’ll follow. Anyway Lemonade.
I got out of bed today. I also showered and brushed my teeth. Little wins that mean so much.
I get a phone call at 10pm. My mom. She’s grabbing some tequila and heading out to the porch. She tells me she doesn’t want me to be upset but her and my dad are separating, again. I’m not upset mom, this is the fifth time y’all have separated. She starts to cry to me about how she feels bad but she doesn’t want to care for other people anymore. I can relate to that….but I don’t give up on people I love. Maybe my perseverance comes from watching her and my dad give up on everyone and everything throughout my life. Maybe my strength and maternal instincts comes from watching them abandon my siblings while they deal with their own shit.
The first thing to go is self care, the last thing is always my family. This is my five stage cycle that is supposed to remind me I’ve fallen deeper and deeper into my depression. To remind me to seek intervention. I never listen.
I’m anxious. I’m having a weird day. Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel like myself.
Shopping for cars is the worst. THE WORST. Figuring out a budget, researching and comparing car models, going to dealerships, SITTING DOWN WITH SALES MEN. I cannot. I literally cannot. I just sold my car and now need to find another one. I know I KNOW it was terrible to sell the car before having a back up car. I thought it would be so easy. I was terribly terribly wrong.