Hi, I’m Kelsey *Imaginary group repeats back “Hi Kelsey”* and I was labeled bipolar. Interesting that I just used the word label instead of diagnosed. OK so before I get into bipolar I might have just derailed my entire thought process by using the word “labeled” why did I use that?
I got out of bed today. I also showered and brushed my teeth. Little wins that mean so much.
The first thing to go is self care, the last thing is always my family. This is my five stage cycle that is supposed to remind me I’ve fallen deeper and deeper into my depression. To remind me to seek intervention. I never listen.
I’m anxious. I’m having a weird day. Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel like myself.
I sit here in a room filled with new people. Are they all talking about me? Do they not like me? Do they think I am weird? Why do I care? Do I care? This must be my anxiety. But why is it making me feel this way? I never get social anxiety. Is my anxiety getting worse? It’s suppose to be getting better with medication. Is the medication not working? WHY ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT ME?! It must be in my head. Why would I alone be the topic of conversation. I would not. That is not real. Are they staring at me? I think they are staring at me. I’m starting to panic. I can feel an anxiety attack coming on stronger. Try to breath try not to be weird.
Shopping for cars is the worst. THE WORST. Figuring out a budget, researching and comparing car models, going to dealerships, SITTING DOWN WITH SALES MEN. I cannot. I literally cannot. I just sold my car and now need to find another one. I know I KNOW it was terrible to sell the car before having a back up car. I thought it would be so easy. I was terribly terribly wrong.
Ah white noise machine you serve me well. But not well enough. I am awake. My foot itches. Why? Bug bites. You were outside this weekend. Lots of bug bites. Wait my legs itches. So does my arm. Hold please while I scratch down my body.